saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
