Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
And then he peed in my hair
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