You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
