if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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