I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
