well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
