I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
