yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
