he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
