Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
