i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
