I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
