Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
