his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You are the jesus of drinking
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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