we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
