My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
