I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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