U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
