After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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