So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize