I think I am morally bankrupt
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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