Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
