Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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