Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
