She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
