Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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