Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize