Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
