pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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