It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize