I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Someone came in the potted fern
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
