i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
