I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
