She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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