HIV tests are more positive than that guy
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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