I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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