Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
