Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
