would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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