Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
