You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
