I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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