I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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