Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'd cum for enchiladas.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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