In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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