another moral hangover. fuck.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
