It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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