her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
