no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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