I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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