i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
