i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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