hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
