im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
