My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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