I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The adults are the big ones right?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
