she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
