I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
