I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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