I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
