I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
