..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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