i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
