I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
