don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize