Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize