DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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