i already hear my dad disowning me
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
