when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
