she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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