Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
