Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
